Pressure and Peace

It is easy to become overwhelmed by the pressures that surround us in this world. I know I have written about this many times, and that is because the pressures just don't seem to go away...

The recent transition I have been going through has not been one without its pressures. Pressure to know exactly that my future holds, which career I will go into, where I will go to grad school, or will I even go to grad school? There is also a pressure surrounding what I do now, and a feeling like being a nanny right out of college is somewhat "unacceptable", because I should be doing "bigger and better" things at this point in my life. In reality though, these pressures are just the worst. Not fun for someone with anxiety, not fun for someone who has no idea what they really want to do with their life, and not fun for someone who doesn't have the answers to the questions everyone wants to know the answers to-- what the heck are you going to do with your life?

Recently, I walked the bridge with a friend who helped me put into words what I know in my heart to be true. The truth is, I will probably change careers many times in my life. I may not ever directly use what I got my college degree in. God is going to call me to many different things in my life, and the one 'calling' that remains through all of these different seasons in my life is to follow the Lord wholeheartedly and unashamedly. This is my one true calling, wherever I am and whatever I am doing.

My friend asked me questions like: in the past few months, what has brought you the most joy? What do you feel like your gifts and talents are? I was surprised by how hard some of these questions were to answer out loud, even though I knew the answers in my heart. From this conversation came a new sense of direction for my life in my current circumstances. What came forth was a sort of "mission statement". And yes, this mission statement will change in different times in my life. But for now, it is something I have to hold on to and to reference when I feel like I am lost with no sense of direction.

I challenge any of you reading to do an exercise like this, because it will change your heart, your thoughts, and ultimately your daily life. It will bring focus and peace. At least that is what it did for me.

I also wanted to share a bible verse that came to mind while I was writing this post. When we become overwhelmed by the pressures of this world, we can hold on to the fact that Christ has overcome the world. No ifs, ands, or buts!!

John 16:33

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. Buttake heart; I have overcome the world.”

English Standard Version (ESV)

Lessons Learned

Lately I have been pondering what I want in life. Where I find happiness. Where I let the world confuse me.

I've learned a few things lately that are small (yet monumental for me):

     -It is okay to be an introvert.

     -I need a good dose of "alone time" every week.

     -It is okay to prefer watching Hallmark with your grandma on a Friday night.

     -There is an unrealistic (in my opinion) idea or expectation of what Christian community is supposed to look like for our generation. So don't get disappointed when the friendships you have don't look the same as the friendships or "friend groups" of others.

     -I can be happy when I am sitting still.

     -Waiting is not the same thing as sitting stagnant. God can't steer me in a direction if I am anchored. I can and need to be waiting and moving forward at the same time.

     -Sometimes God says "no" to things, and that doesn't mean He will say "yes" to something else in its place. Sometimes He just says "no." BUT, He does always have something else better in mind.

-There is a need for love everywhere. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with, love God and others in that place. Don’t listen to what anyone else has to say about that. Don’t listen to the “why do you have to go to that country, there are hurting people here.” WHEREVER you are, love and share what God has given you with those around you. Your neighbors aren’t just those who live near you geographically. They are your brothers and sisters all over the world, in every country, in every village, in every house, in every school. Let God send you. Whether it’s into your backyard or across the world. 

-I feel fulfilled when I am using my talents. Not to show others how great they are, but to show God how great He is. He has given us all talents, and it is glorifying to Him to use them. 

Recently graduating from college, I am in a transition phase, and transition can be awkward. But transition is also a time when we can learn much about ourselves. We just need to open our eyes and open our hearts.

Fashioned into Gold

I made a friend this year who makes me think really hard. She asks me the difficult questions, reads into my emotions and thoughts, and makes me face things I would normally avoid. This is the type of friend that is hard to have (in the best way possible...), but also the type of friend you wouldn't want to live without.

This friend helped me get through some of the toughest months of my life to date. There were days I made poor decisions. There were days I decided I wanted nothing to do with God. There were days I flat-out decided I was not going to be a Christian anymore. She didn't judge me once. She sat in the silence and hurt with me. She encouraged me. She continued to love me.

This friend and I read Job. I declared that this would mark a new time for me. It marked the starting afresh of my relationship with the Lord. It marked my pursuit after the Lord's heart and his desires for me, and his pursuit after my heart. I learned a lot in this book. Not only that Job was righteous, or that Job went through a lot of hard things, or that Job lost everything, or that he still loved and remained righteous through the hardship. What I really learned is that Job was still human. And humans are not perfect.

Job questioned God. He went through times when all of his friends were against him. He went through times when he had no one to walk with him or encourage him. He doubted, as many (most) of us do. He became frustrated. He lacked understanding of God's purpose for the trials and the pain he endured. He begged to make his case before God, and to prove that he was righteous.

Here's the thing though: Job didn't need to prove anything. God knew he was righteous. God knew the depths of Job's heart. God marked every step in Job's path since before he was born. There was nothing Job could earn from God. Just like you and just like me. God knows my pain. He also knows my potential for indescribable joy. God knows my heartaches, but he also knows the capacity of my heart to love and to feel. God knows that when my life is in a mess, I get frustrated, I get angry, I question, I doubt, I even make some bad decisions. But God also redeems. He redeems all of the disappointments. All of the frustrations. All of the doubts. There is nothing more, or nothing less that I could do to make God love me any differently. And while I constantly fail him, he NEVER fails me. It may seem like he lets my world fall apart into a tornado aftermath without the rainbow after the storm. That's because He does, except there is always a rainbow after His storms. We have to go through fire sometimes, before we are fashioned into gold. God has purposes, and they are always good ones.

Happy Heart

You are free

Sometimes I wonder about my life,

what am I doing right?

Am I rescuing people from their strife?

am I wiping their tears in the night?

I desire to be able to love enough

and to share that love with all,

but why does it feel so tough?

why do I put up a wall?

Then God comes in and speaks to me,

"Don't worry my child, you are free."

In that moment I know true love, 

the love I seek to give must come from above.

Love. Joy. Listening.

Sometimes God does things in your life that you don't know what to do with. You wonder what He wants you to do next. These things don't always have to be bad things. Sometimes the most challenging things are actually pretty pleasant...

The Lord may fill you up with so much love, then challenge you to love people at a level you didn't think you could before. 

He could fill you with so much joy that you can't help but smile, and then challenge you to be joyful more often. 

You may start to hear his voice more clearly, and then challenge you to act on what He says.

I've been challenged lately by all of these things. Joy, love, listening to God's voice. But how much does this matter if I don't act on them? If I don't love others as God has loved me. If I don't bring joy to the people I encounter throughout my day... throughout my life. If I don't act on what God speaks and step into His will for my life. 

As God has challenged me, I challenge all of you too. Love more. Be joyful. Listen. Act.

Pull Your Pants Up

This week has been very full of activities. On Saturday morning, the children left for camp, and we were left at the Children's Home with the high schoolers and nursery children who didn't go to camp. We tried to have some fun, even though it was so quiet and sad without all of the little ones here running around and making noise! 

Sala Cuna (nursery) childrens wishing they could go to camp!

On Sunday after church we had a fun and interesting cookout by the soccer field. While the men were doing their thing on the grill, the kids on the team from the States taught the children how to Shag. That was so funny, and although it was hard for the Hondurans, I think they really enjoyed it! When I say that the cookout was interesting, what I really mean is: who knew Hondurans wrapped their hotdogs in plastic?! Yes, plastic. After cooking a few hotdogs (aka almost all of the hotdogs), we realized that something wasn't right... After learning that each individual hot dog was wrapped in a plastic wrapper, we had to go back through and unwrap them all... talk about time-consuming and just plain weird! After eating all those hotdogs, we took a hike up the mountain across from the Children's Home to see the gorgeous views.

Wendy, Anita and I before church started

Dancing with precious Yolani (blind since birth, but doesn't let that stop her from a good time!)

peeling plastic off of the hotdogs....

This mountain is called Noah's Ark- such a pretty view!

Jimy and I at the top of the mountain

On Monday, we took a day trip to a park called Pulhapanzak. We always laugh at this name because it sounds like you're saying "pull your pants up." haha. It was about a 3-hour drive out there and towards the end of the journey it was gorgeous! It was like a mix of Charleston and Lake Jocassee: mountains, marsh grass, water, and seafood restaurants. Talk about the best of both worlds.

the view from the bus window on the way out.

When we arrived in the park, we explored and found some awesome views of the waterfall. The waterfall was maravilloso, but the best part was the beautiful rainbow that appeared at the bottom. Moments like this are what truly take my breath away.

rainbow under the waterfall

While pondering over the beauty of what we were seeing, people began zooming across the top of the waterfall on a zipline. Of course we weren't going to pass up that awesome opportunity. We found the tour guides, gave them our money, and hit the ropes. For my first time every zip-lining, it was really fun! After going back and forth over the river, the canopy tour ended with a ride over the big waterfall... Another moment that took my breath away.

that little speck is me zip-lining over the falls!

yet another rainbow to cap off our day

On Tuesday, we went to City Mall, which is the biggest mall in Central America. This mall makes no sense to me. Inside there is a Timberland and North Face store, Nautica, and many other expensive designer brands. And the weirdest part is that this massive mall was built a block away from one of the poorest and most dangerous barrios in Honduras- Flor del Campo. While at the mall, we decided to go to the movies. We tried to get into the Despicable Me 2 movie, but they only had VIP tickets which were outrageous. Although Monsters University was completely in Spanish without any subtitles, we decided to see that one. It was discount day, so the movie was only L55, about $2.60 in US money. We got our popcorn, found our seats, and right as the movie was about to begin, we saw some familiar faces walk into the theatre. It was the children from our Children's Home! We were both VERY surprised to see each other there, but we took advantage of this fun time, bought lots more popcorn, and laughed our heads off at the movie.

Yesterday, we went into Flor del Campo for the devotional at the school that LAMB has there. It is always a special time with those children. We spent the morning in Flor, interviewing various women from our microcredit program and visiting one of the micro-businesses. The business that we visited was that of a 20 year old girl who works with her mother, has almost 15 employees, attends university, and is in the 99th percentile of her class.... talk about a rockstar! She sells dried bananas and they are DELICIOUS! After leaving Flor, we headed to Valle de los Angeles, a tourist shopping town up in the mountains. We spent most of the afternoon there, eating, walking, and doing what girls do best, shopping!

precious daycare boys

Alyssa snuggling with the baby that peed on her. 

20 yr old business owner and college student- impressive!

Picasso and I with the painting I bought from him. Yes, he calls himself Picasso...

Last night we had a fogata (bonfire) with some of the kids. It took us a while to get the fire going, but it turned out to be a blast.

Moises fueling the fire

Needless to say, this week has been a busy one, but so much fun! It is hard to believe that I have been here for almost a month and a half. Although this summer has been hard in many ways, I am thankful for the constant reminders from the Lord that I am where he has me and that's all that matters.