Woah. It has been a roller coaster of a past few weeks. And the kind of roller coaster that you swear you never want to ride again. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but I'm gonna tell you how it is straight up tonight. (Sorry). So yeah, life feels like it is falling apart sometimes. Like I can't find a moment of peace or quiet or rest. Like I can't laugh or cry of find interest in things I love. Like there's this deep deep hole I'm trapped in. And inside that hole, I'm all alone. [I am aware that this sounds a lot like one of those intense, sad commercials for some depression medication. Once again, my apologies].
Anyways, while I am sitting wallowing in my own self-pity (cliche, I know) trying to release some frustrations and unwanted emotions from the past few weeks, I click on my Itunes shuffle. And of course, what do you know? The first song that pops up is exactly what I needed to hear (cliche again... oops). I don't recall ever listening to/buying this song. But here it is:
And here are the lyrics:
I search for love
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and though I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
singing
You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one that's loved you all your life
All of your life
You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone
You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
Faithful and true... Forever
For my love will carry you....
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and though I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
singing
You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one that's loved you all your life
All of your life
You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone
You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
Faithful and true... Forever
For my love will carry you....
I'm sorry if I am bringing you guys down tonight. I guess I've been holding it in a little too long and we all know that is just a recipe for disaster. So I'm spilling it out to you all, lucky you! The truth is, my life isn't so bad at all. It can be hard to convince myself of this. I may struggle. I may have moments where I cry so hard my eyes are red the whole next day. And I may have moments where I laugh so hard that I am actually nervous I might wet my pants. But in all those moments, God is there with me. He is there with every person who is hurting. Every person who is laughing or crying. I just need to open these eyes of mine that get so easily blinded and accept it. I need to accept him, to trust him.
Trust. This is a whole different subject for a different time, but trust is something I have recently been battling against. Well not against trust, but against my lack thereof. Especially my trust in the Lord. He is faithful, He loves me no matter what I do, no matter where I am. He isn't disappointed in me. He is trustworthy.
So now that I've lost half of you on the way down this far- congrats to those of you who made it- this is about all I've got to say for now. This was a long post (unintentionally), and thanks for letting me vent to you, whoever you are.
P.S. Here is another song to go with my theme- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8QubLxJI54
