Leading Different Lives

As many of you know (and a lot of you don't know) I just returned from a two week trip to Honduras on Monday night. The week after returning is always a strange one, but this time it has been even stranger.

My flight left the morning of December 26th. With the busyness of the Christmas season, packing was left until the night before around 10pm, after all the family members had lingered longer than expected. A minor bout of stress and anxiety occurred, and then I managed to pack only what I needed into my suitcase, along with Barbies, toy cars, storybook bibles, and ipods. I felt like Santa Claus. My purpose on this trip was to assist the volunteer coordinator for the LAMB Institute with a large construction team coming from Pennsylvania. They were working at two different locations, digging a well at a water site and doing various tasks at the Children's Home. It was a learning experience in many ways and I am thankful for every second of it. I got to see old friends, make new friends, be with my family of about 65 children, and spend time in the community too.

I learned a lot of things about myself on this trip:

1. I can be a leader.... Yeah, I can! After a long time of feeling inadequate and unable, the Lord broke me free of those chains. I can accept the responsibility the Lord has placed upon me without hesitation!

2. No matter what a person believes, or how hostile they are towards me or the gospel, it is only necessary in that moment that I love them. In hopes that they would see something different in me that can only be explained by the way that Jesus loves me, even when I am constantly hostile towards him and his ways. 

3. I enjoy my alone time. For so long, I always felt the need to constantly be with people. When I wasn't busy with sports or school, I was always looking for someone to hang out with. Well, ever since I got to college, close friends have been a scarcity for me. Which I can't necessarily say has been horrible. At first, I was lonely, but now I have realized that I truly prefer to be alone a lot of the times. Left to my thoughts and imaginations and dreams of my future, to paint, to read, and to rest. Sometimes I feel like this change of heart and attitude has been a preparation stage for something to come- something that has yet to be revealed to me. 

4. People trust me. Kids whose parents have abused them trust me. Spiritual leaders with abundant knowledge and wisdom trust me. People who have never even met me trust me. This trust stems directly from the bond the Father above gives us through his love so that we may have relationship with each other. 

5. I can speak Spanish. My tongue has been loosened, y'all. Praise Jesus. This past summer, I was able to understand, read, and write most Spanish, but when it came to speaking I was stuck. I knew what to say, but I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. This past trip, I was put into the role of translating. TERRIFYING. That's the only way to express how I was feeling about the situation. Although they spoke slowly, and I had to look a word up every now and then, I was able to hold conversation with people I had never been able to hold meaningful (or not so meaningful, too) conversation with. 

Needless to say, it has been strange being back. Now that I feel a part of such an amazing ministry and country, I feel like I lead two different lives. I have my life here and my life there. I have my family here and my family there. I have my responsibilities here and my responsibilities there. When I am there, I feel like I've been there forever and will always be there. And I have been in Charleston my whole life and always pictured myself here forever. Each life overlapping into the other, flooding each other with memories and reminders of the love I receive in both. 

I am thankful.