Jesus is Enough

Last Sunday, I went to small group as I do most Sundays. The hosts of our group have two children. While we are meeting, their 5 year-old has quiet time and their 2 year-old takes a nap. While the kids were sleeping this past Sunday, I discussed the stresses and anxiety surrounding my trip to Honduras coming up. In one week from today I will be on a plane to the country that I love. This sounds like a dream come true if you know how much I love that country and my family there, but this return has seemed to be more bitter than sweet. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get there and hug everyone and spend two months loving them, serving them, and learning from them.

After my small group prayed over me and encouraged me, the 2 year-old woke up from her nap a little early and came out to join us. She had her blanket in one hand and her little Jesus Storybook Bible in the other. She walked towards me and climbed right on up in my chair with me, and said something that I was sure I wasn't hearing right (being a 2 year-old, she can be a little hard to understand at times). But nonetheless, she kept repeating it, over and over. She was saying, "Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough." Isn't it funny how the Lord can use a 2 year-old to teach me to have a child-like faith? He knew the struggles within me and the fears that came from my own heart, and used a child to tell me that He is enough.

So when I think of the stress and anxiety surrounding this trip, I remember, Jesus is enough.

When I think of a very ill family member that I may be seeing for the last time before I leave, I remember, Jesus is enough.

When I think of a grandmother (whom I happen to live with) who has been dealing with anxiety and nervousness for a few months, making it even harder to leave her in a big ole house by herself, I remember, Jesus is enough.

When my head is filled with lies that come from the enemy that tell me I am incapable of loving the people in Honduras, incapable of loving the interns I will be leading, and inadequate at sharing the love of Jesus, I remember, Jesus is enough.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I need to allow those workings to transform my heart and equip my hands to love His children, but first to love myself.

"Comfort Zone"

I wasn't planning on going very deep with this blog post, but with a title like that I feel like I have to... Well, we all have our comfort zones, and there comes a point when we have to leave them and cross those awkward, uncomfortable lines to experience greater things than those in the confines of our bubbles. Sometimes they don't seem so great at first, but from my experience, leaving my comfort zone builds a greater boldness in my heart, as well as adding some adventure, and who doesn't like adventure? We often hear in the Christian realm that life isn't supposed to be comfortable. We believe that if we are comfortable we must not be doing everything we can to further God's kingdom. Is this true? Maybe or maybe not, but isn't it hard to leave our comfort zone? HECK YES IT IS.

But... when we are comfortable, is it easier or harder to trust the Lord? Is it easier or harder to rely on Him for everything that we need?

When I think of my comfort zone, I think of Honduras. When I went to Honduras for the first time, I was definitely leaving my comfort zone, and during my time there I saw many people in discomfort.

But... were they not trusting the Lord more than I? Were they not relying on the Lord for each and every little thing that they needed?

Ironically, my comfort zones have switched. Honduras has become the place where I feel peace and security, and leaving Honduras forces me to cross those awkward, uncomfortable lines back into the United States. Here is the States, I constantly have to be reminded that I can't sit here comfortably, while darkness and evil surrounds me. I can't watch comfortably while people go on not knowing the love, comfort, peace and provision of God. The God who has given me this same love, comfort, peace and provision to share with those who do not know it.

I want these words to be my daily anthem, not to be forgotten or set aside:

"The priceless gift You gave was not for me to hold. I will spend all my days giving back the love You gave. I'm gonna waste it all on You, I'm gonna pour my hearts perfume, I don't care if I'm called a fool, I'm wasting it all You."

Kim Walker-Smith

So, now onto the real reason I wrote this blog post... it seems trivial now in comparison to what the Lord apparently wanted me to write today (above). But I suppose it helps put into perspective all that I said above.

A few months ago, a friend asked me to paint something for he and his wife. He wanted me to paint a picture representing the washing of the disciples' feet by Jesus. I started it immediately, but was soon discouraged after I had only painted the canvas completely black. I realized this painting was outside of my comfort zone, it was unlike anything I had been asked to paint before. The black canvas sat behind my bedroom door for weeks... I didn't even know where to begin. I wanted to finish it by their birthday, but their birthday was fast approaching, and by fast approaching I mean it was the Friday before their Sunday birthday party and I still had a black canvas sitting behind my bedroom door. I sat, I drew, and decided to just go for it, after all, I decided I could just paint it black and start all over again if it was that bad...

I stepped through that awkwardness of the darkness of that canvas, and trusted the gift God gave me. By leaving my comfort zone, I surprised myself by what I was able to achieve. By all means it wasn't a masterpiece, but I felt more confident and bold after I finished it. I think this provides an image that explains what I was talking about in the first half of this post. Step out. Be bold. Trust.

The priceless gift You gave was not for me to hold. I will spend all my days giving back the love You gave. 

Winding Down

I have been MIA for a while, not posting very often. I can't lie and say that I have been busy, although lots of great things have been going on.

- This semester is almost over. You know what that means? ONLY ONE YEAR LEFT. Praise the Lord for helping me make it this far.

-My wonderful, God-loving cousin got married this weekend. The father-daughter dance was to "Get Up Offa That Thing" by James Brown.... enough said. Let's just say I danced my little booty off.

I took some bridal portraits of her last month. Isn't she gorgeous?!

- I started going to a new small group this weekend. This has been a significant part of my life that has been missing for a while, and it is crazy to see how the Lord is already blessing me through this awesome group of people.

- I am going to be taking a summer class in May.... Criminology- whatever that is. I almost made it through college without any summer classes. But this girl is going to graduate on time, ain't no doubt about it.

- Only 54 days until I leave for Honduras for two months. I am beyond excited and can't wait for June.

-I realized my baby sister is getting old. She is graduating from high school, y'all. I can't believe it.

-We threw a bridal shower at the Old Village Post House last month too.

the bride

These are just some updates on things that have been going on in my life, but expect some deep stuff coming at ya soon, 'cause God is doing some crazy things over here.

Heartbreak Hurts

Sometimes, you just have a rough day... am I right? And sometimes, that rough day doesn't end and it turns into a rough week. This is just what happened to me this week.

Many of you know a lot about me, many of you don't, but one thing that lies deep in my heart is love for my family in Honduras, and it always will. I am forever changed by the love that the Lord demonstrates to me and to these once broken children in HN who are being made whole by a God who has a love for them that will NEVER fail. The things I witness and hear about in Honduras are so very different than the things I experience here, in the comfort of this town, this house, this life. But why do I allow my life here to be comfortable?

If I think about my day today, have I shared the love of Christ with someone? Have I spoken any truth of God's Word and Being into anyone's life? Have I let anyone see something different in me that makes them wonder where it came from?

In Ephesians 5, Paul says, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." What if I died right now- did I use my time wisely? Did I act wisely in the will of the Lord on my last day? What if someone dies who hasn't heard the gospel? How many times have I just let people who don't know Jesus pass by without sharing the truths of God with them?

This week, two precious little lambs from our children's home in Honduras have had a tough week.** Their mother was killed a few days ago... I long to comfort their shattered hearts, but must entrust them into the hands of the ultimate Comforter. Heartbroken for them, I sit here wondering, did she know the love of Christ in her heart?

When you ask the Father to break your heart for what breaks yours, he surely will break it. Thankful for the way He breaks my heart for his people, even if I have to go through a rough week to realize what He is trying to tell me. He says: don't doubt my love for you. Don't settle. Don't ignore opportunity. Don't sit their in comfort. Love my people as I have loved you. Be radical in faith. Go to the nations.

GO.

** I ask for prayers for these two Marvin and Marjeli, needing love and comfort and understanding today.

 

 

 

Complicado

I think my friend Amanda says it right when she says life in Honduras can be complicado. Complicated. I can't tell you how many times I have used the phrase 'it's complicated.' Seriously though, is anything in my life really that complicated? I am reminded of that right now, as a child I love so dearly is being searched for by others who love her too. While we don't know where she is and all we can do is pray. While I think of her beautiful smile and her sassy little personality. While I think of how I felt before I met her, how I dreamed of her, and how that dream was fulfilled the day I met her**. The way that the Lord worked on my heart through this sweet child is wonderful and mysterious to me. But I will pray fervently for her in this moment, that the Lord would bring her peace, comfort and love where ever she is, and that He would guide our hands and feet to find her.

Here is the post about her. http://hondurasamanda.blogspot.com/2013/02/searching-for-scarlett.html
And here are some pictures:

** I had a dream the month before I went to Honduras and met Scarlett. The dream went as follows: "I arrived at the children's home and Scarlett was crying. No one could calm her and although I hadn't met her before, she reached for me. I soothed her and she fell asleep in my arms." Basically, this dream was fulfilled through God's mighty hands and when I arrived at the children's home a month later, I met Scarlett crying, I held her and rocked her, and she fell asleep in my arms.

Day Hike

For quite some time, I have been slightly sad by the fact that the Women's Ministry at my church didn't do more outdoorsy things- such as a women's hike. The Men's Ministry has a four-or-so day long hike every Fall and Spring up somewhere I can't remember, and I was feeling like our gender was getting a little left out. Fortunately, others must have been feeling the same way! The Women's Ministry has started a 'group' called Girls Outside for all the ladies who want to get outside and do stuff! WOOHOO. They have already had a surf day (which I missed) and a day hike (which was this past Saturday). It was so great to get outside on such a gorgeous day and enjoy God's creation with a large group of women who love Him and love what He has created. AMEN. I also got the privilege of catching up with a good friend whom I love dearly who recently got married. It was such a blessed time overall!

Here are some photos from the hike:

Leading Different Lives

As many of you know (and a lot of you don't know) I just returned from a two week trip to Honduras on Monday night. The week after returning is always a strange one, but this time it has been even stranger.

My flight left the morning of December 26th. With the busyness of the Christmas season, packing was left until the night before around 10pm, after all the family members had lingered longer than expected. A minor bout of stress and anxiety occurred, and then I managed to pack only what I needed into my suitcase, along with Barbies, toy cars, storybook bibles, and ipods. I felt like Santa Claus. My purpose on this trip was to assist the volunteer coordinator for the LAMB Institute with a large construction team coming from Pennsylvania. They were working at two different locations, digging a well at a water site and doing various tasks at the Children's Home. It was a learning experience in many ways and I am thankful for every second of it. I got to see old friends, make new friends, be with my family of about 65 children, and spend time in the community too.

I learned a lot of things about myself on this trip:

1. I can be a leader.... Yeah, I can! After a long time of feeling inadequate and unable, the Lord broke me free of those chains. I can accept the responsibility the Lord has placed upon me without hesitation!

2. No matter what a person believes, or how hostile they are towards me or the gospel, it is only necessary in that moment that I love them. In hopes that they would see something different in me that can only be explained by the way that Jesus loves me, even when I am constantly hostile towards him and his ways. 

3. I enjoy my alone time. For so long, I always felt the need to constantly be with people. When I wasn't busy with sports or school, I was always looking for someone to hang out with. Well, ever since I got to college, close friends have been a scarcity for me. Which I can't necessarily say has been horrible. At first, I was lonely, but now I have realized that I truly prefer to be alone a lot of the times. Left to my thoughts and imaginations and dreams of my future, to paint, to read, and to rest. Sometimes I feel like this change of heart and attitude has been a preparation stage for something to come- something that has yet to be revealed to me. 

4. People trust me. Kids whose parents have abused them trust me. Spiritual leaders with abundant knowledge and wisdom trust me. People who have never even met me trust me. This trust stems directly from the bond the Father above gives us through his love so that we may have relationship with each other. 

5. I can speak Spanish. My tongue has been loosened, y'all. Praise Jesus. This past summer, I was able to understand, read, and write most Spanish, but when it came to speaking I was stuck. I knew what to say, but I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. This past trip, I was put into the role of translating. TERRIFYING. That's the only way to express how I was feeling about the situation. Although they spoke slowly, and I had to look a word up every now and then, I was able to hold conversation with people I had never been able to hold meaningful (or not so meaningful, too) conversation with. 

Needless to say, it has been strange being back. Now that I feel a part of such an amazing ministry and country, I feel like I lead two different lives. I have my life here and my life there. I have my family here and my family there. I have my responsibilities here and my responsibilities there. When I am there, I feel like I've been there forever and will always be there. And I have been in Charleston my whole life and always pictured myself here forever. Each life overlapping into the other, flooding each other with memories and reminders of the love I receive in both. 

I am thankful.