I should be a middle schooler..

That's right, I spend most of my time with middle schoolers, especially 6th graders. I love them. They are so cute and tiny and adorable and encouraging and like giving hugs and the list goes on. I have a small group of 6th grade girls that I meet with weekly to hang and talk about Jesus. I always leave my time with them feeling refreshed and joyful. This weekend was extra refreshing and joyful! Sunday, we had a big kickball tournament with the middle schoolers from St. Andrews in the OV, and although my team consisted of 8 girls that weigh probably 80 pounds and myself (who surely doesn't weigh 80 pounds), we had a blast. ha. The tournament was a great way to start off my exam week with some fun and games with middle schoolers! Here are some of my favorite pics:

I love these two sequences too...

                        

 

(Thanks, Rutledge, for taking some of these photos too!)

The Good Ole Days

I wish I could use that phrase when referring to high school, but it wasn't all that great in my opinion. There were times I loved, and times I really hated, and unfortunately, the times I hated outweigh the times I loved! I was reminiscing a little bit this weekend while getting my sister ready for prom. She is just growing up so fast, and I've been thinking about how much we are alike. She probably isn't too happy that she is anything like me, but luckily she has received all of the normal qualities I have and left me as the weird one (this could also be due to my middle child syndrome). But anyways, this weekend was prom and she looked so beautiful:

All on my own.

     I would say that 'all on my own' is how I made my decision about what I wanted to do this summer, but I would 100% be lying. Making a decision on your own if tough stuff. Especially when 10 people are telling you to do one thing, and 10 are telling you to do something else. If you read my last few blog posts, there is one about indecisiveness. I am most definitely the queen of that. But it has been conquered this week! (at least as far as my summer plans go). The Lord has prevailed and proven once again that I can't survive without His hands guiding me and showing me the way to His glory!

     So here's the plan: I have the amazing opportunity to go to Honduras and live at the LAMB Institute children's home- where I will be loving on, playing with, and helping out with God's precious little lambs there. I will also be training with missionary, Suzy McCall, and preparing myself for missions and evangelism. After returning from Honduras over Christmas break, my heart was broken. I've prayed many times for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His, and who knew He would and that it would feel like this! After a few months of tears and longing, I have decided to return and reunite with these children that have become so precious to me. Knowing their pain and the suffering that many of these children have been through is the part that breaks me, but seeing the love, affection and utter joy that the kids have in the midst of it is impossible to explain. The joy that God brings to His children through faithfulness, strength, prayer and submission to Him is more than we could ever hope for or imagine. And this is one thing that I have seen manifested so strongly through the children of LAMB! Here are some of their precious little faces! (check out this post as well- Here)

Every now and then...

... I just need to cry. Ladies- most of you know exactly what I am talking about! Today was one of those days where everything was going great. I woke up before my alarm, I went to all of my classes, I did better on my Economics test than I expected (which is a miracle in itself), I laid out by the pool for a while, read 3/4 of a book, and went for a walk with my mom. The walk. This was when it all went spiraling downhill. I don't know about you, but my mom and I are pretty tight. She knows what's going down and is quite a wise woman! I am very thankful for that. Anyways, our walk starts out normal, talking about Diesel (our dog), my brother's graduation, and then we get to my final exams. I am not so stressed about the exams as I am about the two years to come ahead of me. My last two years of college (maybe...). That is one stressful topic if you ask me! I recently decided to change my major and we were discussing this as we walked. I eventually got myself all freaked out that I will do all this tough schooling for this tough major and then not even use it. That I won't get a job that uses the major that I worked so hard to get. Then my mind went to not getting a job at all. After I rambled all my concerns to my mom, I thought I could feel her getting a little frustrated with me for getting so anxious about all of this right now. You know, when mom's use that tone and you just feel like they are annoyed? Yup, that's the tone I was getting. As the people-pleaser that I am, I can't stand when people are upset (or annoyed) with me. After I have held it together for the most part throughout our entire walk, we barely make it in the door (thank goodness we do) before I begin my serious meltdown. This included some feet stomping and a slight childish tantrum. To make the story short, my mom calmed me down like mothers do best, and assured me that she is not disappointed in me or frustrated with me. That we need to live for today and not worry so much about the future. Thanks mom!

After this, eyes all puffy and not feeling all that up to it, I headed off to youth group. We played some really intense ping pong baseball which I loved, and worshipped for the last 20 minutes. Do you ever have those days when things just fall apart, and then God is like "what's the matter with you, you're forgetting about something that can fix this all- ME." Today was that day. Things fell apart, I worried and stressed about something belonging this world, and God wrapped his arms around me and told me He was not disappointed in me and said 'I work ALL things together for your good. When pain come in the night, joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, you don't have to be afraid, because you know that I love you, my love NEVER fails.' Thanks Jesus!

Indecisiveness

I have come to the conclusion that most, if not all, of my recent anxiety is due to the fact that I am the worst at making decisions. If you know me at all, you probably know that I am the most indecisive person when it comes to just about anything- food, clothes, what to do on Saturday, etc. And recently, my indecisiveness has taken a turn for the worst. As if deciding what to do with the rest of my life and picking a major isn't hard enough, decisions I have to make keep arising left and right and all at once. (Also, I wish someone had warned me about how hard it really is to decide what to do with your life/picking a major- I wasn't prepared AT ALL). Anyways, the current predicament is deciding what to do with my summer. This doesn't seem that difficult, right? And it really isn't that difficult. But of course, I have no problem making a decision harder than it really is. I have these two great opportunities, and I've been praying really hard for discernment from God as to which one is His will for me this summer. Right when I think I know which one I'm supposed to take, my heart is pulled towards the other. The thing I keep forgetting is that God will be there with me in either one of these endeavors. Now I just need some doors to close or open. And some peace of mind!

That's all for now. Apologies once again for my solemn last few blog posts. SUMMER is near- my chipper self will be back before you know it!